|
A truly healthy soul is one who is lovesick for meaning and G-d. But people look for painkillers to stop the pain and drown out the sadness of their crying soul yearning for G-d. Because they are afraid to be sad they run for distractions. I know this from experience. For years I ran from the sadness of my soul. I threw myself into comedy and rock and roll. They were my religion. I once heard a comedian say that as long as you keep laughing you will never get an ulcer. So that’s what I did. And he was right. I got a hernia. Just kidding. I adopted as my philosophy for life the lyrics of a popular song at the time that went: “Gimme the beat boys to soothe my soul I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away. I recall one rock album I especially loved that had on the cover the following advice: For best results play at full blast! But what were the results that I was seeking? I wanted enough noise and distraction in my life to drown out my crying soul. But the louder the music the louder my soul cried out. So the louder I turned up the music. People confuse painlessness with happiness. But the key to happiness is to embrace the sadness of the soul craving for meaning and G-d. Because inherent within this sadness is the greatest happiness. The soul cries for meaning. We long for G-d. We long to belong to the One who is beyond and yet mysteriously manifest within ourselves. We want to be part of a greater picture and we want feel that we are playing a role serving a greater theme. But most people run from this sadness rather than stop and listen carefully. Rather than make music out of the soul’s sadness they turn up the volume on their CD. A spiritually healthy person intuits that s/he is radiant, powerful, significant and great. If a person does not deeply intuit this then s/he has become disconnected from G-d. Since the soul is an aspect and expression of G-d how can we think of ourselves as anything less than awesome. When people are spiritually healthy they intuit their G-dly greatness and are driven to do great acts for their community, the world and G-d. Scientifically, we are not even one-billionth of a speck of dust relative to the universe. How then, is it possible, that anybody could ever think that their existence is significant? And yet, not only do people think they are really something, some even think they are everything, the be all and end all of existence. Where would they get such a ridiculous idea? They could get it from their soul which is a unique manifestation of the be all and end all—G-d. Sometimes our prideful thoughts are really an expression of the true grandeur of our soul as an expression of the eternal grandeur of G-d. We must, however, remind ourselves when we feel our own personal grandeur that it is not our grandeur that we sense inside but rather it is G-d’s. When prideful thoughts and feelings erupt within us we should not deny them and quickly put them down. We must clarify whether they are coming from our soul or from our ego. And even when we ascertain that they are coming from our soul we must, nonetheless, be careful that our ego does not take these precious prideful thoughts and feelings and use them to lead us away from their true source and meaning. The ego could use them to confuse us into thinking that our greatness comes from our selves independent of anyone beyond us. Our ego appropriates these holy sparks of self esteem and leads us to self destruction; alienating us from our true self rooted G-d. But when we are in touch with our soul we know that our greatness is G-d’s and we have a responsibility to do something with ourselves.
Many years ago when I returned from a trip to Israel my parents picked me up from the airport and sadly told me that we were going to the funeral of my cousin, who had been killed in a car-accident. At the funeral, the rabbi said something that angered me very much and challenged my faith in G-d. In his eulogy, the rabbi quoted a Yiddish saying, “What do we know? People try to figure it out and G-d is laughing.” The rabbi seemed to be saying that it's only from our perspective that terrible accidents look terrible. We see the back of the tapestry of life and it looks to us like random strands of knotted wool. G-d, however, sees the whole beautiful picture on the right side of the tapestry, and He's laughing because everything is in order, everything makes sense. But the rabbi's words really upset me. Bully for G-d that He knows it all. But what about us? I felt like we were stupid little mice scurrying around in pain and fear, trying to find our way through a maze, while G-d was laughing. I didn't like that image of G-d at all. But I completely misunderstood. It seemed to me as if the rabbi was saying that G-d is transcendent and completely removed from our pain and sadness in this world. But that's not true. The Torah and Kabbalah teach that G-d is transcendent,”beyond” us, but that G-d is also paradoxically imminent, “within” us. Life is a Divine drama. The theme of the drama of life is all about challenge, choices, growth and love. We -- with all our problems and complexities -- are the stars of the show. The ideal setting is this messed up world. Our true inner self, however, is none other than the soul – an aspect of G-d. Therefore, G-d is intimately involved in our daily challenges and struggles, in our ups and downs, our happy times and our sad times. G-d shares our pains and troubles, as well as, our pleasures and successes. Knowing this makes difficult experiences more manageable and more meaningful. I have heard it been said that when you share your sadness with another person it is halved. This all the more so when you realize that G-d shares in your pain and sadness.
What was the particular challenge of the first choice presented to Adam and Eve? “And the snake said to the woman: ‘You shall not surely die; for God knows that in the day you eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and you shall be as God, knowing good and evil.” The Midrash comments: “No craftsman likes another craftsman of similar skill.” In other words, the snake suggested to Eve that God is like a craftsman who feels threatened by other craftsmen and fears the competition. Therefore, in order to maintain His supreme status as the one and only God, He must suppress any attempt on the part of His creation to reach a status of Divinity. The snake’s message to Eve was “be free, do what you want, assert your independence of God. Don’t let Him subordinate, suppress or subject you. He is just trying to protect His single supremacy, to be the One and Only. However, you too can be a god, knowing and deciding for yourself what is good or evil.” The snake’s essential point is, “God is holding out on you. He is not going to risk allowing you to actualize your potential for godliness. God actually fears you, that’s why He wants you to fear Him.” The root of all sin is the illusion that there exists a conflict of interest and a competition between the us and God -- His will versus ours. There is a snake-like spirit within us that claims that God’s commandments are part of His fear tactics to secure His supreme reign as the one and only. If we accept His will, then we are simply surrendering, admitting our weakness and accepting defeat. The snake insists that God’s commandment is really a plot. God wants us to forfeit our power to do what we want and decide for ourselves what we think is good or bad. To be commanded implies surrender of our right to actualize ourselves as gods. Commandments are God’s plot to subordinate and dominate us. Religion is meant to strike fear in our hearts and turn us into guilt-ridden weaklings and subordinates to God. However, the truth is just the opposite of the snake’s case against God. When we do wrong, we are really denying ourselves the joy of feeling God’s absolute love for us; His desire to share Himself with us. The dilemma of the Tree of Knowledge presents itself in every life situation. In fact, some biblical commentators explain that there was no special quality intrinsic to the tree. This tree merely presented the possibility to know good or evil. True good is the opportunity to unite our will with the Divine will so that we can experience God’s oneness and our oneness with God. True evil is when we defy God and thereby experience ourselves as severed from His oneness. All transgression is really just one big rip off. When we transgress the will of God, we are ripping ourselves off from the very root and context of our being. We are buying into an illusion that we and God are separate and in conflict. The snake was actually sent by God to challenge Adam and Eve so that they could choose to do God’s will. Connect with God and experience the awesome joy of love.
When we try to understand G-d, we face an inherent obstacle with the language we use to describe G-d. In general we describe things in terms of time, space and in comparison to other objects. For example, you could describe your computer in terms of time and space as now and here. You could describe it relative to other objects as smaller than your body but bigger than your hand. But these terms cannot be applied when we want to understand G-d. G-d is the Creator of time, space and all beings. He therefore transcends these categories. Although it is common to say that G-d is “eternal” and “infinite,” these terms are actually incorrect. For most people, “eternal” means something that goes on and on … in time. But G-d is the source of time. Time cannot confine or define G-d. “Infinite” means something that has no end and goes on and on in space. But G-d is the source of space. Space cannot confine or define G-d. And G-d is the source and creator of everything and therefore cannot be compared to anything. However, people are accustomed to thinking in terms of time, space and comparisons, they therefore automatically conceive of G-d as the one and only Almighty being, Who has no body, Who is eternal in time and Who is infinite in space. This image is not only wrong it is down right destructive. It is this kind of confusion that contributes to the mistaken thinking that humanity and G-d are separate and in conflict. We end up concluding that if G-d is infinite and I am finite, then we are opposites and mutually exclusive; If G-d is eternal and I am temporary, then we are opposites and mutually exclusive. Another obstacle to properly understanding G-d is the limitation inherent in the normative approach of investigation and knowing. When I attempt to know anything, I am the subject and the thing that I seek to know is the object. However, you cannot know G-d in this normative way because G-d is the source of all knowing. G-d is the source of all consciousness. Your very ability to think comes from G-d who is the source of all thinking. How can you think about the source of all thinking? How can your mind hope to comprehend the source and ground of all minds? Each one of us is like a drop in the ocean trying to comprehend the ocean. It’s important to understand that generally when people seek G-d, the reason why they don’t find G-d, is because they are trying to understand G-d as an object in their mind like anyone or anything else. But G-d is not like anyone or anything else.
Imagine that, once upon a time, a fellow is sitting under an apple tree when an apple falls on his head. “Isn’t that strange?” he says surprisingly. “Apples fall!” He had never really given the phenomena much attention. “What about my pencil? What about my book?” he wonders, as he picks them up and lets them go. “Ah ha! Apples, books and pencils fall! There seems to be a consistent force that draws things down,” he realizes. Did he invent gravity? No, he just discovered it. Gravity is a physical principle that has been guiding the movement of physical bodies since the beginning of time. Having finally understood it, this fellow was able to articulate a principle that had always been the force through which Hashem directs the world This is, in fact, what all scientists attempt to do. Judaism teaches that the spiritual and moral dimension of life is no different than the physical dimension. And, like gravity and other laws of nature, there are spiritual laws, which govern the nature of spiritual life. And these laws have been guiding the universe since its very inception. The Midrash teaches that Hashem, so to speak, looked in the Torah and created the world according to its’ principles and laws. The Talmud states that we all knew the Torah when we were in our mother’s womb, it is encoded in our souls, but we forgot it as soon as we were born. 3,200 years ago the entire Jewish were positioned for a revelation of the Torah that they already knew and we all know subconsciously. The experience at Mt. Sinai was a revelation of the universal principles of spirituality and ethics, with specific instructions regarding the Jew’s particular role and responsibility. What were revealed at Mount Sinai are the divine principles and laws that had always directed life. The Laws of the Torah have always directed life-—they are a given. The question is whether we are willing to receive it.
A friend of mine had an unpleasant experience with a mother of one his students who was about to be ordained a rabbi. This greatly upset and disturbed this woman who considered herself an enlightened intellectual and looked at organized religion as backward and fanatical. She was very nasty and cynical about her son's religious convictions. They were on the way to the ceremony when she turned to my friend and said, “Basically, I don't believe in God.” My friend replied, “O.K., fine! Don't believe in God.” He was the first religious person who had responded to her that way; others had always tried to convince her of G-d’s existence. “What?” she exclaimed in surprise. “You don't want to believe in God?” he said. “Fine, so live in a godless world.” That's essentially the choice we have. If we don't want to believe in G-d, then G-d won't be in our world. That doesn't mean G-d isn't real. G-d is real, but not for those who choose to deny that truth. In other words, if I've never tasted papaya, then there's no flavor of papaya in my life. Whether it's real or not for others, it's not in my life. If I’m blind to the color red, then red will not be one of the colors in my life. Mammals do not see colors, so they live in a colorless world. If I'm not willing to see G-d, then my world is godless. Each one of us has a choice. You can believe that this world is filled with the presence of G-d who cares about it and guides it. Or you can believe that this world is one big accident, a chaotic mess. The choice is yours. But remember what you believe is ultimately what you will see. What you believe creates the world you live in.
Torah tradition tells us that G-d is with us in our pain and feels it. But how can we know this experientially? For just a second, do me a favor: Stop thinking. Impossible, right? If you cannot stop thinking, then it really is not your thinking; if it was yours you could stop it. So who is thinking your thinking? Sure, you can choose what to think but you cannot choose to think. People think. But who is it that is doing our thinking? If it is we that are thinking, then surely we could stop for a couple of seconds. Now try this. For a couple of seconds stop feeling. See what happened? You can choose what to feel but you cannot choose to feel. If you cannot stop feeling or start feeling, then you are not the master of your feelings. If our feelings do not start with us or end with us then we are not the masters of our feelings. Who, then, is the master of our feelings? Are these feelings really our feelings? To a certain extent our thoughts and feelings are our own, but to a certain extent our thoughts and feelings belong to G-d. After all, we are not the masters of thought or feeling, we did not create thought or feeling, they do not start with us or end with us. Rather, they flow through us. Here is another good exercise: For a couple of seconds stop your heart from beating. When I posed this challenge to a recent seminar group, it was fatal--someone took me seriously. Just kidding. But realize that if we cannot stop our heart from beating, then we are not beating our own heart. This is true for our will in general, you can choose what you want but you cannot choose to want. Choice is not a choice. What you choose is your choice, but to choose is not your choice. So who is beating my heart? Who is telling my guts to feel? And who is telling my mind to think? Who is fueling me with willpower? Whoever it is, Judaism calls Adonai. Who is Adonai? Certainly it could not be G-d as most people perceive Him—some force or being floating in outer space could not feel my pain. That understanding puts G-d far and removed from life on earth. But a lot of people think this is true, and it is precisely why they are so angry with G-d. They think that their pain is really theirs’, that G-d is not with them in their pain and that G-d is watching them from above. But this is not a Jewish teaching. This is not a true understanding of G-d. G-d is not in some transcendental realm on the other side of space, looking down at us. Judaism believes in Adonai—the master self. You and I are not the master self. Even though there is a distinction between G-d and us, there is no separation. We are completely one with the master self. We are not the master of thinking, the master of feeling or the master of life at large. And we are not the master of will. The One who is the master of all these powers is whom we call Adonai--G-d. And G-d is involved with us constantly, feeling our feelings, thinking our thoughts and living our lives. We are never alone. —Rabbi David Aaron, author of Endless Light, Seeing G-d, and The Secret Life of G-d. |